Hacker for Hire

I don’t want to gloat too much … but that bitch had it coming . Last week we got our deposit refund. There were three deductions, one for the last water bill, one carpet cleaning, and then one $50 “additional charge.” Being naturally curious to see what the asses at Tall Timbers decided to charge us for, we called up. Apparently, the $50 charge was for going to month to month billing for our last payment.

One problem … we already paid that and we had the proof.

So we told them, they screwed around and finally Sara got an appointment set up for us to go in. Marie, the head jackass, was there to great us … and seemed unpleasantly surprised that I showed up as well. As she went over the billing, I leaned in and watched her move from item to item show how the charge was there … and then how we paid the charge … and then how we didn’t pay the water bill … and then how we had paid the water bill … and then how we were charged $50 for a March month-to-month fee …. This is where her hope was crushed like a mime in the Redwood Forest … silently and painfully. So now a check is being sent to us for their failed attempt to charge us more. I couldn’t help but smile as we walked out .

Everyday, my tolerance for the intellectually challenged (as it pertains to common sense) and social miscreants is generally pushed to its limits. I don’t think this is because I am becoming less tolerant, but because I’m encountering more people that could deal with a healthy dose of a brain. It’s not very often I get the chance to get even with these people, but when it’s there … it’s like a sale on (insert noun with plural) during a (insert bias relating to previously inserted noun) season and I’m the head (insert noun relating to previous noun insertion that signifies the alpha of said noun)*.

I pulled into Starbuck’s parking lot to get a parking spot at … you guessed it, Starbucks. Well, as I am patiently waiting, vehicle already poised for spot landing pattern Alpha 4, for my spot to open up, this little skank in her blue Audi (I hate those cars) backs up through the parking lot and into my spot that I am unable to just zoom into because I am waiting for the previous driver to clear my side of the lane that they have pulled out into. See Figure A.

Figure A

From here we can see that the red truck was leaving it’s spot and the blue Audi stopped it’s forward motion at the blue “X” and reversed into the now open spot even after I was already proceeding through my turn. I ended up parking in the spot with the gray “X” much to my dismay; however, I’m not generally that picky about how far my car is parked from the entrance to an establishment. A little exercise never hurt anyone and certainly wouldn’t hurt the obese people with handicap parking tags that reinforce their disability.

Getting angry over stupid stuff like this is never good, so I brushed it off with a simple “Jerk!” and went into Starbucks to get my order. After the stoned out, hippie, skanky, daddy’s girl and her friends get their crappy soy drinks, I waited for my order … that just happened to finish seconds after theirs. Now, if you notice where they parked, and where I parked, there is an easy line of pedestrian travel for me to get to my car. Noticing this, I left Starbucks and did what every other person in Rookwood Commons does … I walked down the middle of the road, in front of her and her poor ability to drive a stick shift. I sauntered my way back to my car, miraculously only annoying her (I even took the time to look left, right, and left again at the stop sign) and made sure she knew I was taking my time about it. As she attempted to “roar” by (she had to stop at the next stop sign only 20 feet from my car) I smiled and waived at her and said something about never driving like that again, which I’m sure she didn’t hear but made me feel better. Ahhh … nothing like the sweet taste of revenge to go with your coffee.

*For anyone without an imagination you could use something like: carnivorous ducks, mean-spirited flesh-eating, inducer of thigh pain. Bonus points to anyone that comes up with the best choice of words.

Oh man! I am so excited! I found a house that is awesome and they accepted my offer!!! You have no idea how pumped I am about this . It is so exciting I can’t even figure out what to write. The one thing that I know is that the deal is awesome, the location is awesome and yes, yes Gary Nue is screwed to hell and I will never have to deal with him

I’ve gotten a better deal, a bigger house, a better location, better taxes and I have Gary’s bad Karma to thank for it.

So this one is for you Gary, thanks for being a jerk, I win.

Yes, YEs, YES!!! It’s days like this that I have proof there really is a god. There has to be because there is no other way that revenge this sweet could come about without some divine intervention. If you read my long rant, you’ll know that Gary screwed me out of the house that I wanted because he didn’t think that my offer was serious. But today, today my friends, I got that fscker back.

I’m at Sara’s store, talking with her, getting ready to call my realator Kim to see if we can go look at some houses, specifically this one in Silverton that looked really good, but it went pending before we got to look at it and now it was back up on the market. Anyway, I get a call from Kim asking me how things were going and if there was anything I wanted to see recently. I gave her my list and then the conversation when something similar to this:

Kim: Wyatt, I also wanted to let you know that I got a call today.
Wyatt: Oh yeah? What did that idiot Gary want to say?
Kim: How did you know it was Gary?
Wyatt: I didn’t, but I just really liked the thought of him calling back.
Sara: [Smiles in the background because she knows what is coming]
Kim: Well, if you remember, I called the owner (not Gary) and told them that if they were having issues to call us and maybe we would make another offer. Gary called, acted like a jerk for a little while until I told him to get to his point. Basically, the current contract keeps going in and out of underwriting over and over and they can’t get the house to close at all. The client was wondering if we were still interested in the house.
Wyatt: HA! We frickin’ called it! We said it was going to suck and that is exactly what happened!

Wow … if that doesn’t prove there is a God looking out for the underdogs, I don’t know what does. I told Kim that I might be interested in putting down another offer, but it wasn’t going to be my primary focus. I also said that if I did put an offer on it, I would put the screws to the bastard and it would be at least 10k less than my original. But man o man, I couldn’t have planned it any better myself.

Yep, you know it. Revenge. As the Klingon’s said, it’s best served cold. Even better with a side order of whoop-ass. I’m not a vengeful person by nature. Well, that’s a flat out lie. I would prevenge as many people as I could if I had the foresight to do so. However, I saw this one coming. I stepped off of their railroad tracks while everyone else was looking for what I was pretending to stare at out in the horizon. And the carnage, oh the sweet sweet carnage . But enough about my pleasure, I’m sure you’re interested to know what happened. I did try to hook you in as much as I could with all my gloating and glowering.

So if you’ve been reading, you know the following: My job sucks, I hate my job, My boss is an idiot, My clients are nuts, and I hate running Ethernet cable. Well, the cable has been ran and ran some more all over their data center. Specifically, their are 3 cables per server, roughly 20 servers to a rack. Doing the math that comes to 60 cables per server rack. If you’ve never held 60 CAT-6 Ethernet cables in your hand at once, it’s not a small bundle (oh this is good, so very, very good). Well, running these cables from server rack to server rack, eventually, they fill up the space you have run them through. Yes, that’s right, matter takes up space. I know we’ve not gotten past that yet, but it should be a fairly simple concept to grasp. After running all of the cables required, the told me I had to run more. I said I can’t do that based on the laws of physics. The gave me a stunned look as I showed them how there is no room left to run any more network cable. I thought that they were going to cry. But it gets better.

The last rack that I ran to was only half full. So now they have more no room to run cable to servers they planned to put in. But wait, it gets better….

The last rack of the row has no servers in it currently, but was planned to have another twenty and they have no room to run any cable to them. But wait, it gets better….

They have another rack that they have assembled and ready to install on the end of the row that has no more room left for any cable at all so now they can’t put that rack or any of the servers for it. But wait, it gets better….

They don’t even have enough open ports on the switch let alone the cabling space required to install any of the servers that go in the last empty rack or the rack they have yet to install.

I was so happy I could barely contain myself and my heritage passed on to me by my father, “The Neal Shit-Eating Grin,” as I watched them writhe in agony and luscious torment at their lack of a basic understanding of how matter takes up space (part of the definition of matter) and how simple math is the best foundation for pain in the ass problems.