At the first stroke of noon, the trio stormed the base in a merciless salvo that would have sent the hounds of hell running. Flanking their enemy by complete surprise, Joe and Will, tore though the reinforced concrete walls like lemmings on fire though a cheese wheel. Using hammer drills and sledge-o-matic action, the breech of the north wall occurred in moments. After piping in fresh conduit to allow a easy assault, Will and Joe installed a new meter socket before an attempt to retaliate could happen.

Meanwhile, Admiral Neal and Sara charged the enemy head on. Eviscerating their foe from the wall like Grandma Knickerbottom’s Eviscerators used to rip entrails from a yak, Sara and Wyatt immediately plowed though to aid Joe and Will from the inside out. After securing the area, the new conduit into the base was wire and attached to the meter socket and a new mounting for the load panel was put in place. Two massive grounding rods and enough silicon sealant to gag a Rancor was also put into place to halt any other attacks like this one.

The battle waged on over the weekend until the enemy was thoroughly annihilated from existence. Though the battle was won, the long road of repairs was only just beginning and Admiral Neal and his crew knew their next foe on this campaign would be the most cumbersome of them all … The Duke of Energy.

0700 hours: Admiral Neal noted that the power to one room in his base was out; however, other battles needed fought this day and this one was postponed until later that day.

1700 hours: Admiral Neal returned to his base to resolve the issues at hand. After throwing the main breaker and resetting it, the entire first floor was now completely without power. Perplexed, Admiral Neal began his investigation at the main panel. After stripping of the cover, the truth became apparent that this attack was more devastating that originally thought. Water had run down the inside of the sheathed cable and shorted out the main breaker. Sensing the volatile nature of the situation, the professionals were called in from Duke Energy to disable all power to the affected systems.

1800 hours: Duke Energy arrived on the scene to defuse the situation. After pulling the meter, Admiral Neal consulted with “The Dukes” and was told the meter was a 200 AMP meter and could be replaced with part already stocked in the armory. Sensing time was against them, reinforcements (Joe and William) were called in to help make the emergency repairs.

2000 hours: After a logistics run to procure the final few items to complete the task, the crew went to work. Relying on only the tools available to bore a new hole through the concrete, the battle was waged onward into the night. Eventually, an entrance suitable for the new wire (twice the size of the old one and precariously drilled next to another carrying a live 240V) and the struggle continued with Joe, Will, and Admiral Neal employing every tactical maneuver known to overcome the size constraints including using two massive sledge hammers and a pipe that was previously used by Admiral Neal in The Battle of Twisted Pipe.

2200 hours: With the new cable in place, and the battle looking to be over, the Trio attacked the live 600V meter panel to complete the replacement. The dangers of using a reciprocating saw to widen the hole at the bottom of a meter panel carrying 200 AMPS were faced by Admiral Neal under the watchful eyes of Joe and Will. After spewing shards of hot metal from the new hole cut in the meter socket panel, Admiral Neal let Will and Joe proceed to install the new cable.

2230 hours: Still attempting to install the cable only inches away from the most powerful force the Killers had ever reckoned with, the tide of the battle turned abruptly. While attempting to install the cable, it was found that they had been sabotaged. “The Dukes” had thwarted the crew by miss identifying the meter as being able to support 200 AMPS. As the Killers attempted to finagle the wire into place, lightning crashed and thunder echoed through out the area as rain began to attack them. Knowing the danger presented in any further advances would only result in more casualties, Admiral Neal, bloodied and burned, admitted defeat. After returning to his battered based and tending to the wounded, the trio concurred that while this battle was lost; however, there was another opportunity to devastate the enemy with a home turf advantage.

Thus concluded the first step in a very hard fought campaign. The heavy losses faced by the Killers totalled to:

• Two Network Card
• Two Network Switches
• The Cable Company’s Subsystem Connection
• One Cable Modem
• One Cable Set-top Box

Day 1: Into the Fray
Admiral Neal’s Killers me the battle on two fronts: the basement and the office wall. This gave the advantage of having both the high and low ground covered to prevent the lime and rust encrusted enemies (hence for called Limey Bastards) from escaping. While the initial battle plan had great merit, Admiral Neal fell pray to the more aged tactics of the Limey Bastards. With so many enemies, the Killer’s logistics had to call in for heavy armor (a.k.a. a bigger pipe wrench) to dislodge the front lines of the Limey Bastards. Once the reinforcements arrived, the battle raged on for long while until the Limey Bastards ranks finally broke … along with the main connector to the drainage pipes. This took both sides by surprise and resulted in the Neal forces calling in the equalizing power of the SawZall to correct the edges that were disjointed. Around this time, another logistics run was made to correct and retrieve more essential parts for the Killer’s next offensive. With the Limey Bastards currently incapacitated, Admiral Neal lead the logistics run only to find that the supply chains no longer had any of the components. Alternate supply chains were checked and parts were eventually located by piecing together remnant from scrap bins. Cocked, locked, and ready to rock … Admiral Neal once again led the charge against the battered Limey Bastards. This time however, the battle was cut short when the engineers from B Company suffered a catastrophic accident that launched the newly acquired supplies into a large concrete barricade, destroying them. The blow was devastating. Admiral Neal’s Killers had been definitively halted for the night. His troops tired and wounded himself, Admiral Neal brought his assault to a close for the night while each side stepped back to asses the situation and develop new battle plans.

Day 2: The Water Flows Like Blood
Returning to the front, Admiral Neal made up his mind about two things. First off, this battle would not go on a day longer. Secondly, the previous strategy of attack and repair was being replace with decimate and replace. After returning to the front, the Killers unleashed an onslaught as never before seen at this battlefield. Admiral Neal lead the charge head on to dislodge the enemy from where it had been entrenched for the past 50 years. After the first hour, the Limey Bastards’ front line gave way to the relentless assault from Neal’s Killers. Many had never seen a Sledge-o-matic tactics like Admiral Neal employed to eviscerate the enemy; however, they would see many more as the battle raged on into the night. There were no celebrations. The vanquishing of the Limey’s first position yielded a new threat … General Iron Sides and Corporal Bend. Even though both were known for their rustic tactics and ability to outlast any enemy, Admiral Neal commanded and led his troop in a nonstop barrage against the seasoned enemies. It was another full hour and a half before Corporal Bend was slaughtered by heavy destruction of the terrain surrounding his position. The victory came at a steep price as General Iron Sides became less accessible due to the extreme modifications to the battle front. Although severely wounded, General Iron Sides still held his position an refused to surrender. Pondering his strategy, Admiral Neal decided the battle had to be ended and that it had to be ended now. Diving in with the Sledge-o-matic, Admiral Neal flanked Iron Sides and successfully created a fracture along his entire western front. Using this new opening, Neal and the Killers reminded everyone exactly why it was called a pipe wrench by attaching a four foot long pipe to their main weapon.

The blow was devastating. General Iron Sides was crushed like Swiss Cake Roll® under the ungodly amount of pressure. Unable to withstand anymore attacks, the General was ripped from his position and the battle brought to a decisive end. With the foes vanquished, Neal’s Killers immediately called in the supply line to repair the decimated area. After a full six hours of battle and repair work, Admiral Neal and his Killers left the site dragging the remains of there fallen foes knowing the battle was won on the principle “when tactics have no effect, excessive force will always provide a solution in one way or another.”

Note: More images can be access starting on the bottom of this page.

Now, before I get into the pictures … I did not paint the room pink. I did not put the glitter on the off-pink ceiling. I don’t like the color pink or the glitter on the ceiling. I put down the laminate floor on Friday night, May 12, 2006. It is a new laminate floor. I did not paint the room after installing the laminate floor. I plan to paint the room white. I don’t plan to paint the room in the next five minutes while you are reading this. I plan to paint the room when I am damn well ready. Yes, there is tile in the closet. No, I didn’t put the tile in the closet. The house used to be a two family and that was the old kitchen. The room is not a kitchen anymore. I have no plans to make the room a kitchen. The room looks just as it did in the final picture. If you don’t read this and ask a question that relates to this, pain will be brought upon you and your comment. Click the images for larger views.

Before	During	After

All photos starting at the bottom of page 4.

Oh yeah, the title is what Sara though the air smelled like after 3 hours of urethane fumes.

Look at this. Don’t try to rub the red/brown off your screen, it’s really that gross. Can you tell me seriously that you would be willing to live with this in your house? Dear god, if I had an animal I’d be afraid the crapet would absorb it like an amoeba or Janet Reno. This is just as bad as the tub of “therapeutic putty” we found in the kitchen cabinates (I’m too scared to move it).

Thus, the battle continued. Phase 2 was to shave the old floor and re-urethane them. Before we could do that though, we needed to get all of the staples and carpet tack pulled and cleaned up (Thanks to Micah, Katy, Joe, Joe, Heather, Sara, Mom, and Grandma in no particular order). Using this crack squad of savvy staple pulling fiends, we were ready to commence operation “Got Wood?” by 1500 hours. From here, we rented two sanders from Home Depot(r) and gave it hell for the rest of the night. Now something to note about the sanders we used. There was one that was designed to pull up and 8 inch strip and another handheld one that you run along the edges. I have no complaints about the one you pull along the floor; however, one that runs around the edges doesn’t really work and the best way to make it work is kind of like doing toe touches, but trying to keep a 30 lbs weight from just barely touching the ground.

Although it was relatively difficult to get the hand sander to do what I wanted it to, it did leave me with a new look. A little on the old side, yes, but somewhat refined I would have to say.

The majority of the floors got sanded and they look pretty ficken sweet. We didn’t do the one upstairs bedroom because it’s just too far gone to save (stupid bastards and their putting glue down imitation tile on hardwood floors). The living room didn’t get entirely finished because we had to take the sander back to home depot; however, Sara is working on finishing the remaining portion today. After that, we’ll come back through with the buffing style sander and get out all the fine lines and then it will look pretty fricken bad ass. Below is the best picture of the floors that I have, though this one room still needs a little work. A lot of the photos are kind of sketchy because they had to be taken without the flash (damn saw dust). Clicking on it will take you to the gallery where the rest of the images are.

All the crapet in the entire place came up. Floors, closets, stairs, no exceptions. You would not believe the condition that the actual hardwood floors were in. Yes, they need to be refinished, but now the house doesn’t stink and it looks ten times better even though the floors need some work. We threw all of the crapet and padding out of the window into the drive way were HAZMAT Bravo removed the waste to the Tall Timber’s disposal facility. It was report that it filled two 8 cubic feet dumpsters.

Tomorrow, we will pull staples and clean up in hopes that we can sand the floors and be ready to urethane them on Sunday.