Hacker for Hire

OK, I admit it. The title was designed to stick that crappy Britney Spears song in your head (hey, I’ve got to get my work in too you know). But even though you’re sitting there with a horrible melody accented by bad singing and terrible lyrics, it is time for some more evil ideas. But before I go into that, I would like to thank Joe, Rick, and Mike for their thoughts and variations. If you haven’t read them, their pretty good and you’ll find them here. Moving right along, here are some more evil ideas with the usual disclaimer attached.
Continue reading ‘Opps, I’m Evil Again’ »

Popularity: 29% [?]

In response to the statistics, I’m going to try and make sure there are plenty of evil ideas to go around for all; however, I think I’ll change things up just a touch. In the past, I’ve just put these ideas out here for all to read and have asked nothing in return … now that is going to change. I humbly ask that IF you read the following ideas that you please leave a comment if you have anything to say. By “anything to say,” I’m looking for productive comments. Not the “Oh this is so great ++digg” bull-crap, but suggestions on improving, varying, questions on specific ideas, or issues with implementations. The reasoning behind all of this is the hope that I can provided a better service by having another perspective on my thoughts and ideas. I’m also going to encourage you to write to me asking for assistance with specific situations that require the finesse of an evil twist (details within). And the last thing before we get into it … I am not responsible for anything you do or think about before/during/after reading this. That’s called a choice … and if you make the choice, then your responsible. Enough with the verbiage, let get on with the good stuff!
Continue reading ‘Excuse Me, I’ve Got Some Evil-ing To Do’ »

Popularity: 34% [?]

I was driving down the road the other day and it occurred to me that there are a lot of stupid fricken people in the world. Yes, yes … I know this is a thought that I have more than eighty times a day and I don’t need reminded of it. But what it did remind me of is how I have slacking off not providing my entourage with ideas to help spread out the evil and level the playing field of the world. So for those who feel slightly challenged on the evil side, this post is for you.
Continue reading ‘Disturbed, Yet Flavorful’ »

Popularity: 35% [?]

The one thin in the world that I really hate is when people steal stuff. Now when I say ‘hate,’ I mean hate like you wouldn’t believe hate. So far I have had my car broken into twice, my radio, CDs and laptop all stolen from me. I tell you as serious as can be that if I knew who was responsible, I would do all kinds of horrible and vicious things to maim them so they would be forever scared and would have to say, “Yeah, I was stupid enough to steal from this guy who really hated it. Now I can only get a job cleaning the freaks’ poop up at the circus.” The reason I bring this up is that I came across this link on digg.com and it lines up perfectly with how I might deal with a mild situation. Given that my idea of vengeance would be something along the lines of crushing their bones to dust while they are tied to a table being rubbed by a rusty cheese grater that is dripping salty lemon juice for a warm up, how would you handle the situation?

(Hint: This is another user participation thing :-))

Popularity: 16% [?]

It has been a little while since I’ve posted some good evil ideas for you conniving little extortionists and I think you are about due. Why do I do this you ask? Well, two reasons. One, I think that the evil needs to be distributed to the masses to prevent one sect from getting too much evil dealt to them or dealing out too much evil unduly. Two, I know how hard it is for people who aren’t naturally evil to come up with good, cheap, effective evil ideas. As a public service, I present to you my most recent evil ideas. If you have anything that you think would be a good evil idea, feel free to submit it to one of my many email addresses and I’ll give you all the credit and it will be immortalized for awhile on my site (traffic is increasing oddly enough). Oh yeah, I’m not responsible, you’re an idiot and blah blah blah.
Continue reading ‘On Like Donkey Kong’ »

Popularity: 19% [?]

Ah, once again, Scott Adams saves what I could chalk up to another horrible day at work. Today, Scott’s post is about his bad thoughts that he’s had. Having worked at a place that I absolutely hate for 3 weeks, I can easily relate. So I present to you, my devilishly tasty evil thoughts of the week.
Continue reading ‘Devilishly Tasty’ »

Popularity: 19% [?]

Every now and again, I have this urge to just do something sinister and evil. It’s not that I’m a bad person, it’s just I think that we need to distribute the evil a little more fairly. So I figure the best way to mess with people is to keep it simple. The easier it is to create the evil, the easier it will be to use it. So I present to you, my most recent evil ideas.

1. Screeching Horn
OK, so this one came from having to drive around in the Rookwood Commons parking lot on Saturdays and Sundays. If you’ve never been to Rookwood, it’s basically an outdoor shopping mall for overpriced crap that a bunch of self indulgent nincompoops buy. If you’ve been to Rookwood, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Well, a couple of somethings these nincompoops do that annoys the crap out of me are walk outside of the crosswalk and drive really, really stupid. The average person would sit and curse under their breath in the car saying all sorts of mean things; however, the over aspiring engineer sees and opportunity for invention. Solution: The Screech Horn 100. Again, keeping with the idea of simplicity, this is nothing more than a 100 dB horn with a slight twist. Instead of creating a sound in the key of F (if you have an American car), the horn would produce the sound of screeching tires, at 100 decibels. I just picked 100 cause it was a nice round number. But imagine the joy that it would bring. You are sitting patiently at a stop sign, two people stop to chat in the middle of the crosswalk, and SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!. Just the thought of some soccer mom being scared so bad she can’t carry her 50 pairs of shoes from DSW is enough to put a smile on my face.

2. Door Handles
The common punishment for driver who do not obey the laws of the road is a fine or a revocation of their license. The problem is that this isn’t effective enough. Well, sometimes taking the license away is good, but a fine just doesn’t have the long standing impact that you like it to have. So instead of fining individuals, we do something much more annoying. We take their door handles. Not just the outside, but the inside ones too. So now you go to get into your car, you have to jimmer-jammer the door open and closed every morning when you get into your car, when you get off from work, cause you know exactly how frustrating it is to ‘miss’ the door handle in someone else’s car and spend 5 minutes looking around for it when all you are thinking is “Let me out of this damn car!!!”

3. Magnets
Yeah, I can see you over there thinking, “Wyatt, that is stupid.” But not when you apply it to good use. All computer cases, have some metal in them, it’s just a matter of where. Simple enough trick, add a magnet to the outside of the system case, preferably a magnet from an old SCSI hard drive or something of the like that is super strong. It probably won’t be enough to completely trash the computer’s hard drive, but there is a good possibility that just random portions of the system will develop sporadic behavior that is generally not desirable.

That’s all for now, stay tuned for more evil ideas as I think of them. Oh yeah, I’m not responsible for anything you choose to do with this information or anything else you decide to do. Consider it a lesson in PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY.

Popularity: 21% [?]