Every now and again, I have this urge to just do something sinister and evil. It’s not that I’m a bad person, it’s just I think that we need to distribute the evil a little more fairly. So I figure the best way to mess with people is to keep it simple. The easier it is to create the evil, the easier it will be to use it. So I present to you, my most recent evil ideas.
1. Screeching Horn
OK, so this one came from having to drive around in the Rookwood Commons parking lot on Saturdays and Sundays. If you’ve never been to Rookwood, it’s basically an outdoor shopping mall for overpriced crap that a bunch of self indulgent nincompoops buy. If you’ve been to Rookwood, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Well, a couple of somethings these nincompoops do that annoys the crap out of me are walk outside of the crosswalk and drive really, really stupid. The average person would sit and curse under their breath in the car saying all sorts of mean things; however, the over aspiring engineer sees and opportunity for invention. Solution: The Screech Horn 100. Again, keeping with the idea of simplicity, this is nothing more than a 100 dB horn with a slight twist. Instead of creating a sound in the key of F (if you have an American car), the horn would produce the sound of screeching tires, at 100 decibels. I just picked 100 cause it was a nice round number. But imagine the joy that it would bring. You are sitting patiently at a stop sign, two people stop to chat in the middle of the crosswalk, and SCREEEEEEEEEECH!!!!. Just the thought of some soccer mom being scared so bad she can’t carry her 50 pairs of shoes from DSW is enough to put a smile on my face.
2. Door Handles
The common punishment for driver who do not obey the laws of the road is a fine or a revocation of their license. The problem is that this isn’t effective enough. Well, sometimes taking the license away is good, but a fine just doesn’t have the long standing impact that you like it to have. So instead of fining individuals, we do something much more annoying. We take their door handles. Not just the outside, but the inside ones too. So now you go to get into your car, you have to jimmer-jammer the door open and closed every morning when you get into your car, when you get off from work, cause you know exactly how frustrating it is to ‘miss’ the door handle in someone else’s car and spend 5 minutes looking around for it when all you are thinking is “Let me out of this damn car!!!”
3. Magnets
Yeah, I can see you over there thinking, “Wyatt, that is stupid.” But not when you apply it to good use. All computer cases, have some metal in them, it’s just a matter of where. Simple enough trick, add a magnet to the outside of the system case, preferably a magnet from an old SCSI hard drive or something of the like that is super strong. It probably won’t be enough to completely trash the computer’s hard drive, but there is a good possibility that just random portions of the system will develop sporadic behavior that is generally not desirable.
That’s all for now, stay tuned for more evil ideas as I think of them. Oh yeah, I’m not responsible for anything you choose to do with this information or anything else you decide to do. Consider it a lesson in PERSONAL RESPONSIBLITY.
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