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Evil Ideas: Baby Shower

Wyatt • • Evil

Back by popular demand, it’s another round of evil ideas. For some reason, these posts tend to work better as a theme; so for this week our theme is “Baby Shower.” Thankfully, I’ve never been to a ‘real’ baby shower, but I’ve been told there are bunch of terrible games. A quick Google shows the following hits:

As you can tell, these games are above and beyond LAME; however, with my simple to use evil recipes, we can put the BAM! back in the party. So here’s a baby-shower … Evil Wyatt Style 😉

First up, un-LAME the existing games … but they aren’t nearly as good as mine 😈

Diaper Pin Game – UNLAME
Couple of different ways this is played. Some do ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ other do ‘steal them from the other people.’ To un-LAME this, we’ll make people have to pin a cloth diaper that is too small on a balloon filled with shaving cream. Messy and less-LAME!

Ribbon Around the Pregnant Girl – UNLAME
Basic idea is that you cut a length of ribbon and the person who guess the waist of the fat-lady the best wins. LAME! The fix? Make the pregnant lady do a limbo under the ribbon and take guesses as to how low the would-be mother can go. Minutely less-LAME!

Guessing the Baby Food – UNLAME
I don’t think this needs explanation as the the LAME version. This one is kind of hard. I can’t think of much else you can do with baby food other than to feed it to a baby and attempt to guess what color the poop will be; but, there generally aren’t babies at baby-showers and it would take way to long. The only way I can think of to fix this is to have a baby food eating contest. You should probably make your own cause it’s pretty expensive from what I know. Probably a little less-LAME.

Cotton Ball Game – UNLAME
Basic understanding of this is that you blind fold people and the attempt to move cotton balls around the room with a spoon so you can laugh at them when they carry an empty spoon across the room … LAME. Drop this game. Totally scrap it. Unless random cotton balls explode when you take them past half court, or you give the spectators AirZookas and dart guns and put tons of obstacles and tripwires in the “ball” carries way, this is never going to get any less-LAME.

WARNING, TRULY DISTURBING CONTENT FOLLOWS!

Now for the stuff that’s just plain wrong …

Baby Cake
Before we even get to games, we have to have a cake. It’s not a party without a cake. Or hats, but that’s a totally different discussion. Anyway, at a baby-shower, I cannot think of a better idea than having a cake in the shape of a baby. Something along the lines of a Kewpee doll or Cabbage Patch doll … made with red-velvet cake. If you want to go the extra mile, you could put a jelly filling in the middle to give it a nice moist flavor. Better yet, make the mother to be have to be the first cake cutter and then have every one yell “Murderer!!!”

Poopy Party Favors
Take some napkins, put in some parts of chocolate bar in a napkin and nuke it in the microwave for about 10-20sec before passing them out to the guests. Add some Yellow/Red food coloring for extra grossness. This one is simple and could possibly pass for probably not evil, but may be a little better for those who aren’t sure how far they want to push their limits.

Shaken Baby
For this one, you’ll need a baby doll and some of those ShockWatch labels. Stick, shake, see who makes them break the fastest. While it’s totally wrong and disturbing … I think that fits what we are trying to accomplish.

SIDS Drawing
This one you’ll need a few more tiny baby dolls for. Put a mark on 2 of them, and cover it some how (diaper, etc). Make everyone pick a baby out of the bucket and whoever gets a SIDS baby, give them like a gift certificate. For the extra mile, you could get a tiny coffin from the Halloween store to put it in, but that might be crossing the line. This one is even more disturbing, but hey, you wanted evil and wrong and that’s what you’ll get.

Hanger Game
This is my personal favorite for awful. For this one, you need a loaf of bread (unsliced), marshmallow Peeps, and a metal coat hanger. Take the loaf of bread and put a knife straight down the center lengthwise so that it goes all the way through the load … kind of like it was making a tunnel in the bread. Squish a Peep in one end of the loaf. For some extra decoration, get some string black-licorice for the “short and curly-s” around the opening opposite of the Peep. Curve the coat hanger into a long hook and time how long it takes people to retrieve the peep from the business-end of the bread. For the extra mile, take a ketchup packed and unload it on the inside of the bread tunnel.

That’s all I’ve got. As always, I’m not responsible if you friends never invite you back to any parties, you make someone cry, blah, blah, blah. Personal Responsibility … GET SOME!

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