Hacker for Hire

Fan … No, Farce Mail

Wyatt • • Rants and Technology

Owning this domain name comes with a small amount of pleasure and a small amount of annoyance. Today, we’re going to cover the annoyance part (me reporting all these idiots to the FBI). For your reading pleasure, I always try to reply with the most witty response I can think of in 10 seconds (names and email addresses have been removed to protect the innocent, not the criminals). Enjoy!

JM writes:</p>

Mr. Wyatt Neal,

I’m curious to know if you can get into someone’s computer while they are online. The person uses an ISP with an issued dynamic IP address assigned. The person uses ventrilo, and opens port 3271 for that specific use. I do not want to do any harm to the system, just startle the user. Can this be done? Please let me know.

Best Regards,


The response:


Since you do not own the system, you do not have exclusive rights to create a legal statement of work.

Hacker for Hire is an security firm aimed at helping people and companies improve their information security needs through proven and ETHICAL methods. Asking someone to attack a system that they do not own/have exculsive permission to access is completely UNETHICAL, as is attempting to frighten a user for the pure enjoyment of it; therefore, I will not conduct any business with you.

Thank you,

Wyatt Neal

Personally, I like thought that this guy just wants to startle a user. Hey JJ, chances are you know who this person is and where they live, if you want to startle them, go sit in the back of their car with a ski mask on wringing your hands and talking to yourself, that’ll startle them. Ass.

egoldfactory writes:</p>

hi my name is o and i am an egold exchanger someone scammed me using a fake egold account under the name of wu he told me that wu is providing an escrow for egold exchange he told me that i shall send the gold to wu EG account (which he owns ) i sent hem the gold to the wu egold account he made up a fake mtcn then few min later he asked me for another exchange so i did the
same went to pick up the fund and there is no money sent all i can provide you with is that he is from moldavya his phone number is [removed] his name is colleen miller his e mail address is [removed] his e gold account is [removed] if you need the proof my name in talkgold is egoldfactory check out that link http://www.flickr.com/photos/35261992@N00/ please i need you help i lost 3400 egold which is $3400 i am ready to give away $1000 can you hack him back i am waiting for your reply

Wow, I’ve never met anyone with the name ‘o’ before. I bet you get really pissed when people are like “Hi-yo” and in your head you are going “Damn it, I hate that guy!” Well, I followed the link and from looking at the pictures, the person who stole his money was apparently the Western Union rep who didn’t even have a clue what was going on. I tried prying for more information so I could get a good laugh, but all i got back was something stupid about how he wanted to track the guy down. Good luck Mr. O. My final response:

Ok, what you need to do then is dispute your issue with e-gold. I cannot help you “hack” someone as I believe you are intending. Hacker for Hire is a legitimate business that will only engage clients who have a defined scope and unequivocal proof of ownership of the systems. Since you neither own the e-gold system or Ms. Miller’s system, I cannot and will not assist you.


Wyatt Neal

Jake Mu writes:</p>

I was inquiring about your services. I have had several blog websites post information about me plagiarizing photographs which all now appear on the top of all results when you do a Google search on my name.

With this information so readily available on the internet I have found my life flipped upside down. It has destroyed several relationships I had with friends and I have had job opportunities pass by me because this information being available. It has caused me much emotional and inner stress.

What I am looking for is to have these posts removed. I need someone to gain access to the blogs admin panel and to remove any posts that are in relation to this incident. You must understand that I am not looking for anything malicious to happen to these blogs. I just need someone simply to gain access to the admin panel, remove the post, and logout like nothing happened. Eventually after this has happened, these links will be removed from Google’s index which is what I am looking for.

Right now about the first 10 pages of Google show these results. However I do believe there are about 5-10 blogs in question that have this information and the rest of the search links that show up are blog feeds via RSS. If these main blog posts are removed, then the rest of the RSS feeds will disappear as well.

I look forward to hearing back from you. This is very important to me, as this information will haunt me for the rest of my life. Please let me know with your services on what you can do for me. Thank you for your time.

I think my response is above and beyond on this on 😉


I was intrigued by your email. Since I consider myself to be a somewhat avid “googler” I decided to throw your name (which I can only assume must be Jake Mullins, Jaccob Mullins, Jacob Mullins, etc) into the powerful search engine. [from his email address]

I must say, I am utterly astounded at what I found. Not only did search for your name turn up some very interesting results, but search with your name plagiarism and photographs did as well.

Try as I might, I couldn’t find a single blog article about you. As it turns out, you don’t show up anywhere! You’re a flippn’ phantom on the Interwebthingy! How happy you must be to have this great weight lifted of your shoulders that there is nothing about plagiarism and photography linked to your name! Thankfully, this will also keep the ghosts from haunting you for the rest of your life (no body likes ghosts these days).

OK, here’s the deal … since you seem like a really dumb person and not a wantonly malicious criminal I’m going to explain to you what’s wrong about what your asking me to do for you.

First of, any unauthorized access to a system is ILLEGAL and UNETHICAL. Being as Hacker for Hire is a legitimate business that
will only engage with companies/individuals that have 1.) Undeniable ownership of the systems, 2.) Ability to sign a legally binding SOW outlining the assessment to be performed, 3.) are interested in an ETHICAL assessment of their systems.

Secondly, deleting stuff off of someone else’s server IS MALICIOUS! Think about it this way … if someone just came along and deleted half of your photographs, wouldn’t you think that was a slightly malicious act? You’re damn straight you would. Just because you think there is information about you on a system DOES NOT and I repeat DOES NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO SQUAT TO THAT DATA. Time and time again, you can see in the court systems that if you don’t own the system the data is housed on, you don’t own the data. No questions asked.

Now, if you feel that someone is slandering or libeling you on the internet and that it is a grave damage to your character, you can go through the standard legal procedures for suing for that sort of thing.

Next time, think before you type or I will send your information and anything else I can find about you sprinkled across the internet to the FBI.



I still sent his email to the FBI because I’m an evil bastard like that. Stay tuned for the next round, I’m sure they’ll come eventually. Oh yes, and if you want to know my policy on these emails, check out the FAQ.

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