As Jimmey Kimmel said, time files when you are stopping other people from having fun. It’s been a while since I’ve done an evil ideas post, but don’t go thinking that I’ve gone soft … I’ve just been a little bit too busy to help out the less-than-evily-inclined. No my evil wanna-be’s, I have not discarded you, though it would be evil to do such, I just thought I would see how you could evil on your own for awhile. Being as I haven’t seen anyone do anything really impressive, my work is obviously not done. Oh yeah, and as always, fan submissions are welcome anytime … on with the evilness.
1. Fuzzy Mouse
This one came from the people at work. If you take a co-workers optical mouse (has to be optical) and add some of the sort of not really clear tape over the sensor on the bottom, it makes the mouse control very, very erratic. If you’re co-worker doesn’t have an optical mouse, you can always steal the mouse ball, tape the mouse ball down, or tape the entire mouse down the mouse pad. The last one has the added zing of leaving an annoying stickiness on the mouse pad (that comes off with water of course, we’re evil, not mean).
2. Road Retaliation
You know, I really hate driving down the road and having no good way to retaliate against other cars that act stupidly (i.e., not accelerating at on-ramps, no use of turn signals, etc.). The problem is that you need a way to retaliate that won’t cause physical damage to the other moron’s car; yet, still annoys the crap out of them to the point that they reevaluate why other people hate their pathetic existence. So, I give you the butter-pat cannon. That’s right, those little squares of butter are you’re new best friend. Combine several with a air-cannon of sorts and it’s instant, non-destructive, hard to clean, yet slightly palatable revenge. By the way, don’t do this. It would more than likely cause an accident and that’s just as annoying as dealing with the jerks who would go careening off the road screaming “I can’t believe it’s not butter!!!”
3. Non-user Submission
Ok, this one was not submitted; however, I heard it and thought to myself, “Yes it is true, women do have a very evil streak.” Now before you get all sexist on me, read the damn thing. So Kenny and Kelly work at the same place. Kenny is working on updating a massive piece of documentation and rather than print out the beast in its entirety, he’s trying to print only a few pages that he’s been updating. Not such a shabby idea; however, he’s having a small problem. Apparently, Kenny isn’t all that good with a printer and is becoming more and more frustrated as each time he prints out the section, its not matching up with what he’s asking it to print. Kelly overhears Kenny’s dilemma and the proceeds to star printing random pages out of the same area of the document. Of course, this only adds to Kenny’s hatred of the printer. After several recurrences, and hearing Kenny say “This printer hates me,” Kelly adds the final nail to the coffin by printing out a page that say “I hate you Kenny.” Now that is the kind of evil I’m talking about.
Alright, we’re done here for this round; however, I encourage you to send in your ideas and comments as always. Until, keep on eviling it up.