OK, I admit it. The title was designed to stick that crappy Britney Spears song in your head (hey, I’ve got to get my work in too you know). But even though you’re sitting there with a horrible melody accented by bad singing and terrible lyrics, it is time for some more evil ideas. But before I go into that, I would like to thank Joe, Rick, and Mike for their thoughts and variations. If you haven’t read them, their pretty good and you’ll find them here. Moving right along, here are some more evil ideas with the usual disclaimer attached.
1. Extortion For A Good Cause
As a rule, I do it as often as I can. This one comes as a reader request for assistance. The basic problem is that the relatives of the reader (we’ll call them Phil) are not being responsive in joining for the 75th birthday of the head of the family (we’ll call him Jim). Phil has basically said that he wants a way to make his relatives come to Jim’s party because each one being called is saying that “It’s a really far drive to go 2 hrs.” sort of thing. So my suggestion is this: Call up each relative and invite them. When they say “No.” ask them why they won’t be able to come. Write down their response and say “Thanks, I’ll let Jim know that you couldn’t come because of [insert excuse].” When they protest, say that you’re compiling a list of all the people who couldn’t come because of really bad reasons and you’ll be presenting each excuse as their “birthday” present to Jim. Now we aren’t really going to give the list to Jim being as he’s an innocent bystander; however, this should be enough motivation to get them to come. Another option is Phil could call the relatives and say that Jim’s dead … but that’s a messy situation to clean up.
2. Breaking In The Horn
This one is just too good not to post. A family friend wanted to get his song back for an April Fool’s prank. His son had done something to his car, so he seemed it would be the logical point of reciprocation. Steve found his son’s car in the parking lot of the school and wired his break lights to the horn so that every time his son stopped, his horn would go off. Now I have to step back and just say I wish that I could have thought of this (there’s only so much time for thinking evil thoughts though.) because it is just so devious. The best part is that his son hit every stop light on the way home AND got stuck just about 200 ft. from home behind two of the other neighbors that had stopped to talk to each other in the middle of the road (it’s a county thing…).
3. Marked Man
Ingredients required: 1 or more soap marker(s), 1 or more indignant moron(s). People have been soaping cars for a long time. This is pretty simple and people have been doing it for years, but we’re going to give it a blast from our spice-weasel and kick it up a notch. Enter the soap marker. Basically, find your moron … they are pretty easy to find, they generally park in like 4 parking spaces at once, drive erratically, etc … and wait for them to leave their car unattended. Now, being as many morons travel alone, they generally don’t look at the passenger side of the car … they also tend to drive very poorly and in the fast lane … this means that you should try to focus on the passenger side of the car for you message to the world. I’ve come up with a few to get you started:
- Roadrage Test in Progress, please honk
- I couldn’t park, please spit on my car
- Honk if you would like me to be rude
You get the idea. Be creative and let me know what you come up with.
Well, that concludes another posting of evil ideas. Remember, you’re responsible for your own actions … I don’t use the Jedi mind trick like that anymore. Happy eviling :twisted:.