Hacker for Hire

Remodeling Part V: The Battle of Twisted Pipe

Wyatt • • Rants and Remodeling

Any project that starts off with breaking the piece that you are trying to replace and sawzall-ing the remaining components to make enough room to work is going to be one you never wished you started. Sound interesting? Well, read on for more.

The battle is organized into days and links for images are provided for convince.

Day 1: Into the Fray
Admiral Neal’s Killers me the battle on two fronts: the basement and the office wall. This gave the advantage of having both the high and low ground covered to prevent the lime and rust encrusted enemies (hence for called Limey Bastards) from escaping. While the initial battle plan had great merit, Admiral Neal fell pray to the more aged tactics of the Limey Bastards. With so many enemies, the Killer’s logistics had to call in for heavy armor (a.k.a. a bigger pipe wrench) to dislodge the front lines of the Limey Bastards. Once the reinforcements arrived, the battle raged on for long while until the Limey Bastards ranks finally broke … along with the main connector to the drainage pipes. This took both sides by surprise and resulted in the Neal forces calling in the equalizing power of the SawZall to correct the edges that were disjointed. Around this time, another logistics run was made to correct and retrieve more essential parts for the Killer’s next offensive. With the Limey Bastards currently incapacitated, Admiral Neal lead the logistics run only to find that the supply chains no longer had any of the components. Alternate supply chains were checked and parts were eventually located by piecing together remnant from scrap bins. Cocked, locked, and ready to rock … Admiral Neal once again led the charge against the battered Limey Bastards. This time however, the battle was cut short when the engineers from B Company suffered a catastrophic accident that launched the newly acquired supplies into a large concrete barricade, destroying them. The blow was devastating. Admiral Neal’s Killers had been definitively halted for the night. His troops tired and wounded himself, Admiral Neal brought his assault to a close for the night while each side stepped back to asses the situation and develop new battle plans.

Day 2: The Water Flows Like Blood
Returning to the front, Admiral Neal made up his mind about two things. First off, this battle would not go on a day longer. Secondly, the previous strategy of attack and repair was being replace with decimate and replace. After returning to the front, the Killers unleashed an onslaught as never before seen at this battlefield. Admiral Neal lead the charge head on to dislodge the enemy from where it had been entrenched for the past 50 years. After the first hour, the Limey Bastards’ front line gave way to the relentless assault from Neal’s Killers. Many had never seen a Sledge-o-matic tactics like Admiral Neal employed to eviscerate the enemy; however, they would see many more as the battle raged on into the night. There were no celebrations. The vanquishing of the Limey’s first position yielded a new threat … General Iron Sides and Corporal Bend. Even though both were known for their rustic tactics and ability to outlast any enemy, Admiral Neal commanded and led his troop in a nonstop barrage against the seasoned enemies. It was another full hour and a half before Corporal Bend was slaughtered by heavy destruction of the terrain surrounding his position. The victory came at a steep price as General Iron Sides became less accessible due to the extreme modifications to the battle front. Although severely wounded, General Iron Sides still held his position an refused to surrender. Pondering his strategy, Admiral Neal decided the battle had to be ended and that it had to be ended now. Diving in with the Sledge-o-matic, Admiral Neal flanked Iron Sides and successfully created a fracture along his entire western front. Using this new opening, Neal and the Killers reminded everyone exactly why it was called a pipe wrench by attaching a four foot long pipe to their main weapon.

The blow was devastating. General Iron Sides was crushed like Swiss Cake Roll® under the ungodly amount of pressure. Unable to withstand anymore attacks, the General was ripped from his position and the battle brought to a decisive end. With the foes vanquished, Neal’s Killers immediately called in the supply line to repair the decimated area. After a full six hours of battle and repair work, Admiral Neal and his Killers left the site dragging the remains of there fallen foes knowing the battle was won on the principle “when tactics have no effect, excessive force will always provide a solution in one way or another.”

Note: More images can be access starting on the bottom of this page.

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