I was driving down the road the other day and it occurred to me that there are a lot of stupid fricken people in the world. Yes, yes … I know this is a thought that I have more than eighty times a day and I don’t need reminded of it. But what it did remind me of is how I have slacking off not providing my entourage with ideas to help spread out the evil and level the playing field of the world. So for those who feel slightly challenged on the evil side, this post is for you.
1. Walmart Hater
I really don’t like going to Walmart anymore. Most of the time I go there, no one is paying attention to where they are going, everyone is being rude, and that’s just the customers. However, I think there is good promise to do a little bit of TLC (torture and lenify crackheads). First, you need to get a job as a Walmart Greeter. This shouldn’t be too hard. If you are a guy, carry a cane and move like you’re pulling a freight train. If you are a girl, dress up like a Golden Girls reject and use stockings with a small lemon to give you the droopy boob effect (OK, I’ll admit that was just wrong, but I had to get my portion of evil in some where :twisted:). Now that you are a greeter, every person that comes in, make it a point to step on the back of their shoe and try to knock it off. You know the step too. It’s just enough that you kind of peel the top layer of skin down underneath the sock and the shoe comes like 3/4 of the way off. This will also be a lot of fun in summer because most of the people that go to Walmart buy really crappy sandals that are fun to step on. The best part will come when you apologize because you can patronize and say you are “sorry” with a smile and they will just go about their business are you continue to eviscerate people from their shoes.
2. Soggy Socks
Here at Hacker for Hire, we are all about the cheap thrills, and this is just that. Take an ordinary water pistol, fill it with warm or cold water (or hot if you feel like being a real bastard). Wait until a hapless victim or someone just annoys the bleedin’ crap out of you and water down their socks thoroughly. If you’ve ever had wet socks, and I know you have, you know just the kind of annoyance this person is in for during the rest of the day. It’s even better if you get them to chase after you because you know that running in wet socks just sucks.
3. Cube Wars
Now this is not a cop-out; but I think that these people have done a great job at showing how to stick it to the cube dwelling morons/jerks in your company. The is called Cube Jinx! and it’s a blog of what people have done to take spread the vengeance around. I think that Katy should submit “Operation Posty” and “Operation Punk’d” to them. I would, but I don’t have her permission and she can tell the story much better than I.
There you have it. If you think the last one was me taking a break, come to me and I’ll name your kid something horrible like “Maya Wood” (real name of the guy at works daughter) so you can have a lifetime of evil pleasure. As always, feel free to comment, suggest, improve, or submit your own ideas, props are always given. Till next time, keep the evil.