Hacker for Hire

Masquerading Hotels and the Science Board

Wyatt • • Rants

Well today marks the first offical day of suck because I am in the city I hate the most, Chicago. Unfortunately, I didn’t have this blog at the time to record the last Chicago trip for posterity; however, I’m damn sure going to do it with this one. Especially since it has started out so “wonderfully.”

I really think that it started this morning. All day I’ve some how been mystically time traveling. No, it’s not the urethane I’ve been huffing from redoing my floors either. Perfect example, I was doing several things on my system this morning (checking 5+ email accounts, managing my finances with Quicken, setting up my mortgage, chatting to various people, calling potential employers, etc.) and this went on for what felt to be about 20 minutes (average amount of time to do all of these activities). But when I looked at the clock, it had only been 3 minutes. I thought maybe my computer clock was off so I looked at the cable clock, same time, 3 minutes from when I started. Checked my phone and wristwatch, 3 minutes again. Seemed really odd to me. The second indication was that my trip to Chicago, the road lines seemed like they were just taking forever to pass by; however, I made it to Chicago in 5 hours. It took Sara 5:30 to get to Chicago when she had to come and pick me up … and she was doing 80 – 90 where as I had the cruise control set at 75 the whole time. As we can see, something was off, and I’m not sure how. But if I figure it out, I’ll sell it to busy people for a lot of money.

Apparently, time traveling during the day does not go well when you go faster than time and end up in rush hour that you scheduled yourself to avoid when you think you are traveling at regular time speeds. As I was getting close to Chicago, I realized I didn’t have any cash for the toll road. I really hate toll roads. They are one of the stupidest ideas. I can just imagine someone, “Oh here’s an idea, we’ll charge a toll for using the road that actually gets people where they want to go and we’ll pass off the toll say that it’s to help maintain the road. Oh and one even better!!! We’ll monopolize the toll road gas and food stations and jack the price up by at least 20% on everything that’s sold there! It’s brilliant!” Fricken morons. And I’m not the only one who thinks so, just punch in toll roads suck in Google and you’ll see the score.

Right, integrating the tangent line, we arrive back where I was, getting money for a toll road I hate. I had already passed my first chance to get on the toll road because I didn’t have the cash, but then I saw a spot that I could pull off and get money from an ATM. While in the upper anus of Indiana and on my way back to the highway, I passed a place called “Skool Supplies.” I dismissed it as an actual educational establishment due to the section of town that I was in when I drove by it the first time; however, on the way back I noticed their sign said “Science Board $4.99.” I have no idea what a “Science Board” is, but here is a non-artistic interpretation of a “Science Board.”

<img id="image74" src="/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/scienceboard.thumbnail.jpg" alt="Science Board?" height=75 width=75/> Some very poor renditions of what a “Science Board” could possibly be. Click for a lager image and feel free to add your own in the comments using the img link, I think it works.

Well, it was back to the highway and I had to call Sara for some help after I got off on an exit that promised to take me to I-90 but really just took me to the projects where people steal signs off of poles apparently. After another 15 minutes of messing around I finally got back to the right road, attempted to follow it to my hotel thinking that a giant “Clarion” sign should be an easy spot from either side of the road at night. Not when it’s a stealth Clarion though. What’s a “Stealth Clarion” you ask? Well, it’s a Clarion that is masquerading as another hotel entirely. I drove up and down the full length of the road 4 times before I finally gave up trying to find the Clarion. I pulled into the Ramada and told them I needed a room because I couldn’t find the Clarion. They said, “Of course you can’t! We are the Clarion! Har har har! It was a fun time, huh?” I could have snapped her like a stuff goes here. Man was I pissed. Fortunately, that was the end of the night horror and I shouldn’t have anything else to complain about until tomorrow when I go to my useless training that’s preventing me from moving into my new house. I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to bail early on Wednesday so I can at least get something done.

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