Hacker for Hire

Vengeance is Mine

Wyatt • • Rants and Revenge Stories

Everyday, my tolerance for the intellectually challenged (as it pertains to common sense) and social miscreants is generally pushed to its limits. I don’t think this is because I am becoming less tolerant, but because I’m encountering more people that could deal with a healthy dose of a brain. It’s not very often I get the chance to get even with these people, but when it’s there … it’s like a sale on (insert noun with plural) during a (insert bias relating to previously inserted noun) season and I’m the head (insert noun relating to previous noun insertion that signifies the alpha of said noun)*****.

I pulled into Starbuck’s parking lot to get a parking spot at … you guessed it, Starbucks. Well, as I am patiently waiting, vehicle already poised for spot landing pattern Alpha 4, for my spot to open up, this little skank in her blue Audi (I hate those cars) backs up through the parking lot and into my spot that I am unable to just zoom into because I am waiting for the previous driver to clear my side of the lane that they have pulled out into. See Figure A.

Figure A
Figure A From here we can see that the red truck was leaving it’s spot and the blue Audi stopped it’s forward motion at the blue “X” and reversed into the now open spot even after I was already proceeding through my turn. I ended up parking in the spot with the gray “X” much to my dismay; however, I’m not generally that picky about how far my car is parked from the entrance to an establishment. A little exercise never hurt anyone and certainly wouldn’t hurt the obese people with handicap parking tags that reinforce their disability.

Getting angry over stupid stuff like this is never good, so I brushed it off with a simple “Jerk!” and went into Starbucks to get my order. After the stoned out, hippie, skanky, daddy’s girl and her friends get their crappy soy drinks, I waited for my order … that just happened to finish seconds after theirs. Now, if you notice where they parked, and where I parked, there is an easy line of pedestrian travel for me to get to my car. Noticing this, I left Starbucks and did what every other person in Rookwood Commons does … I walked down the middle of the road, in front of her and her poor ability to drive a stick shift. I sauntered my way back to my car, miraculously only annoying her (I even took the time to look left, right, and left again at the stop sign) and made sure she knew I was taking my time about it. As she attempted to “roar” by (she had to stop at the next stop sign only 20 feet from my car) I smiled and waived at her and said something about never driving like that again, which I’m sure she didn’t hear but made me feel better. Ahhh … nothing like the sweet taste of revenge to go with your coffee.

*****For anyone without an imagination you could use something like: carnivorous ducks, mean-spirited flesh-eating, inducer of thigh pain. Bonus points to anyone that comes up with the best choice of words. :-)

comments powered by Disqus