Archive for January, 2006

I have come to terms with my job. I know it is horrible, I know that there is nothing more that I can do for this company, and I know in no way do they align with my personal and professional goals and I’m OK with that because I hope that I won’t have to endure it much longer. There are days though, like today, where I would take great joy in just watching people be molested by a drunken clown with a dachshund and halitosis because of how much they annoy me.

Recently, my primary focus has been the unholy resurrection of one of Microsoft’s most hellish products, SharePoint Portal Server (SP). If you don’t know what it is, consider yourself lucky. If you know what it is, you know how horrible it can be. If you know what it is and you think it is the next greatest thing since indoor plumbing, you are obviously a manager or something just as ignorant. One sentence overview: “It’s a bloated document management system with some other gooey stuff tacked on.” I’m not going to go on about the restore process, their are plenty of ad-smattered and inaccurate documents on Microsoft’s site and the rest of the Internet that describe the process. Just know that if you’ve never had to restore SP from backup, you never want to do it.

It’s been going on a week and a half of my time dedicated to this restoration. Yesterday, I get the directive that SP is no longer in my list (somewhat hard to imagine since I am the only engineer and the only one with enough of a brain stem to figure out how to restore it …) and that I need to make sure that Cisco VMS and CSA management consoles are up and running because we have a client, who had already had a live demonstration using their network and their system, that will be coming out to take a look at our lab environment and setup. To anyone with half awake, this should seem like something you would run into during a misguided tear through the space time continuum because you were using C4 to patch the hole the other you just made going back to save Rome from the Nazis. Naturally, I drop what I am currently working (the phone system, the fax system, SP, server maintenance, hard drive rescue, etc.) to work on this new task. While I’m working on this new task of such grandiose importance, I am directed to move the fax line over because the boss figured that it would be a good day to rearrange our entire office two hours before our “customer” is slated to arrive. As I go to make the change, the following dialogue transpires:

Boss: Wyatt, go move the fax line.
Wyatt: [goes to move fax line]
Boss: You don’t have to make that change now.
Wyatt: When would you like me to move it?
Boss: You don’t have to do it now, just soon.
Wyatt: [takes the five seconds to moves the fax line and does it]

After returning to my desk to work on my non-security-engineer related tasks for the day, it’s not more than five minutes before my boss has decided that he wants a printer, which has not been used since we expanded our office in 2003, to be network enabled using a NetGear PS111W that Roger the Retard could not figure out back in 2003. Do take a moment to notice the missing ‘o’ in the model’s first letters. Being the only engineer and apparently the only one that can read installation manuals, I am removed from my current top priority task and assigned to resolve this “issue.” Ten minutes and a factory reset later, we now have a fourth printer in the office that we can use to print ink jet pictures on 11×9 pieces of paper instead of our currently functioning color laser jet. I’m sure you could imagine that I am just the poster-child for tranquility and calm by the time this is over.

Returning back to my Cisco VMS issues that are almost completely unrelated to this story, I continue on with my efforts since there is only thirty minutes before the customer is scheduled to arrive. If you don’t have Outlook 2003, you wouldn’t know about the nifty little pop-ups that it sends when you receive a new email or update to a meeting like the one I got that said we would be pushing back the client’s visit to Friday. Moments after receiving this annoying and equally frustrating update, I’m approached by the boss:

Boss: So how is the SharePoint restore coming?
Wyatt: Well, I’ve been working on the presentation all day.
Boss: When do you think you’ll have that done? Later today?

At this point, I’m fairly certain that gravity in my personal area actually increased to 81 m/s/s because I was unable to stand up and smite him where he stood.

Quite frankly, I think I am sick of hearing about the debate if Google is going against their “do no evil” policy. All of the facts are strewn about as if a centrifuge full of pissing contestant excrement exploded in the middle of a Time Square at lunch time. Being as I consider myself evil for the most part, I think that it is my duty to truly determine if the company is acting under evil guises. “But Wyatt …,” you say, “Don’t you hold stock in Google and have a vested interest in their direction?” You are damn straight I do, but I don’t think that will matter much when I show you the logical breakdown of the scad remnants of facts that I’ve collected off of fleeing urine sprayed spectators.
Continue reading ‘Googlevil’ »

The one thin in the world that I really hate is when people steal stuff. Now when I say ‘hate,’ I mean hate like you wouldn’t believe hate. So far I have had my car broken into twice, my radio, CDs and laptop all stolen from me. I tell you as serious as can be that if I knew who was responsible, I would do all kinds of horrible and vicious things to maim them so they would be forever scared and would have to say, “Yeah, I was stupid enough to steal from this guy who really hated it. Now I can only get a job cleaning the freaks’ poop up at the circus.” The reason I bring this up is that I came across this link on and it lines up perfectly with how I might deal with a mild situation. Given that my idea of vengeance would be something along the lines of crushing their bones to dust while they are tied to a table being rubbed by a rusty cheese grater that is dripping salty lemon juice for a warm up, how would you handle the situation?

(Hint: This is another user participation thing :-))

Just a really quick blurb this time. Xetron called me back again, not to offer me a job to my dismay, but to verify some information on my application. I take this to be a good sign, though Art is going to be in super big trouble if he keep calling me Neal Wyatt. I can only imagine the kind of stupid issues that would cause filling out security forms backwards like that. I’d have like an Isbecagechastanian sniper after me or something because of it.

Well, it’s taken one and a half years, but I finally got my Xserve running. Not just running mind you, but running the latest and greatest version of OS X. Now I know most people reading this would be like “Shesh Wyatt, it took you how long to install the operating system that is supposed to be so easy to use blah blah blah…” Well shut up you poop face lickers! I just finally got drive space for it, not to mention the time to actually work on it. Add in the fact that I had to “special order” a part from Apple so that it would run an Apple OS in any small fashion, buy new RAM so it wouldn’t crash every time that I try to boot the CD’s that I also had to “special order” from Apple and finally “special order” imaginary firmware so that the system would actually see the drives so I could actually install and I would say that it wasn’t “just that easy.”

Normal people would have given up and went out and bought one that just worked, but as we all know, there’s no way in hell that I’m normal. 😎

By now, I’m sure you know that I’ve purchased a house. If you don’t know that then you are either:

a.) an idiot
b.) not reading my blog enough
c.) some crazy guy named “Lulabell” from Isbecaskuchwanalaida
d.) all of the above
e.) all of the above except c, but including d

If you answered e, you really are an idiot and your IP will be blocked by my …. alright, enough stupidity, back to business. I’ve got a new house. One small problem. The wiring needs some medical attention. Not so much the first floor, but the second floor. So in light of a previous post, I’m throwing a rewiring party.

Yep, you heard it here first. The first ever wiring party. There will be food, drinks, and games like “try not to put a staple through the neutral hot wire.” But all that fun aside, the invite will be going out soon because as cool as people think I am, I think it would be much more fun to have people there to help/watch/screw up.

Keep an eye out for your invitation … 😎
Read the FBI post to know what will happen to you if you turn it down … 😈

Oh man! I am so excited! I found a house that is awesome and they accepted my offer!!! You have no idea how pumped I am about this :-). It is so exciting I can’t even figure out what to write. The one thing that I know is that the deal is awesome, the location is awesome and yes, yes Gary Nue is screwed to hell and I will never have to deal with him 😈

I’ve gotten a better deal, a bigger house, a better location, better taxes and I have Gary’s bad Karma to thank for it.

So this one is for you Gary, thanks for being a jerk, I win.

Yes, YEs, YES!!! It’s days like this that I have proof there really is a god. There has to be because there is no other way that revenge this sweet could come about without some divine intervention. If you read my long rant, you’ll know that Gary screwed me out of the house that I wanted because he didn’t think that my offer was serious. But today, today my friends, I got that fscker back.

I’m at Sara’s store, talking with her, getting ready to call my realator Kim to see if we can go look at some houses, specifically this one in Silverton that looked really good, but it went pending before we got to look at it and now it was back up on the market. Anyway, I get a call from Kim asking me how things were going and if there was anything I wanted to see recently. I gave her my list and then the conversation when something similar to this:

Kim: Wyatt, I also wanted to let you know that I got a call today.
Wyatt: Oh yeah? What did that idiot Gary want to say?
Kim: How did you know it was Gary?
Wyatt: I didn’t, but I just really liked the thought of him calling back. 😈
Sara: [Smiles in the background because she knows what is coming]
Kim: Well, if you remember, I called the owner (not Gary) and told them that if they were having issues to call us and maybe we would make another offer. Gary called, acted like a jerk for a little while until I told him to get to his point. Basically, the current contract keeps going in and out of underwriting over and over and they can’t get the house to close at all. The client was wondering if we were still interested in the house.
Wyatt: HA! We frickin’ called it! We said it was going to suck and that is exactly what happened!

Wow … if that doesn’t prove there is a God looking out for the underdogs, I don’t know what does. I told Kim that I might be interested in putting down another offer, but it wasn’t going to be my primary focus. I also said that if I did put an offer on it, I would put the screws to the bastard and it would be at least 10k less than my original. But man o man, I couldn’t have planned it any better myself. 😈

If you read the last post you know the my machine is under heavy on a daily basis. Quite frankly, I’m impressed that it holds up and doesn’t die from DoS attacks that hit it every day. I used to run and IDS/IPS on it at one point in time but I couldn’t handle looking at 1,000,000 alerts per day (yes, I did tune it and only select the signatures that I wanted, but as a human, you can only take so much). I suppose that part of it is due to being on a residential Road Runner connection and a lot of it dealing with the domain name being an “Oh I’ll show that bastard” type of thing. Being as such, I am always on the look out for new tools to make my life simpler. DenyHosts does exactly that.

DenyHosts is a really awesome script that basically keeps track of invalid logins and failures that on your system and after a specified threshold, blocks them. You can daemonize the script and have it run in the background keeping track of all the little miscreants that are constantly hammering you system. You can specify that you want hosts blocked for anywhere from 1 second to some ungodly number of years. It also has the ability to block sooner or later for attempted root logins. That’s just awesome because if you are like me and specify that root is never allowed to SSH in, you can get the fsckers on the first attempt. Best off, Gentoo has a package for it so installation for me was one command.

As with any tool, it will maim and disfigure you horribly if you don’t use it right, but I doubt that most competent people would have to worry about that. I’m not going to go through a configuration or installation here because the website has way better documentation that what I would care to write here. My only gripe is that it took a long time to go through my authorization log the first time because I don’t normally rotate my logs, but I can live with that.

Last words … if you have a *nix server with SSH access, you should probably use this tool.

Well, if you don’t know it already, Hacker For Hire was “hacked” in the loosest sense of the term. What does that mean you ask? I’ll tell you in a moment, don’t interrupt me. Because knowing how to find out what a hacker did is just as important as knowing how to be a hacker, we’ll just follow along his path.
Continue reading ‘Hacked, Sorta’ »