I have come to terms with my job. I know it is horrible, I know that there is nothing more that I can do for this company, and I know in no way do they align with my personal and professional goals and I’m OK with that because I hope that I won’t have to endure it much longer. There are days though, like today, where I would take great joy in just watching people be molested by a drunken clown with a dachshund and halitosis because of how much they annoy me.
Recently, my primary focus has been the unholy resurrection of one of Microsoft’s most hellish products, SharePoint Portal Server (SP). If you don’t know what it is, consider yourself lucky. If you know what it is, you know how horrible it can be. If you know what it is and you think it is the next greatest thing since indoor plumbing, you are obviously a manager or something just as ignorant. One sentence overview: “It’s a bloated document management system with some other gooey stuff tacked on.” I’m not going to go on about the restore process, their are plenty of ad-smattered and inaccurate documents on Microsoft’s site and the rest of the Internet that describe the process. Just know that if you’ve never had to restore SP from backup, you never want to do it.
It’s been going on a week and a half of my time dedicated to this restoration. Yesterday, I get the directive that SP is no longer in my list (somewhat hard to imagine since I am the only engineer and the only one with enough of a brain stem to figure out how to restore it …) and that I need to make sure that Cisco VMS and CSA management consoles are up and running because we have a client, who had already had a live demonstration using their network and their system, that will be coming out to take a look at our lab environment and setup. To anyone with half awake, this should seem like something you would run into during a misguided tear through the space time continuum because you were using C4 to patch the hole the other you just made going back to save Rome from the Nazis. Naturally, I drop what I am currently working (the phone system, the fax system, SP, server maintenance, hard drive rescue, etc.) to work on this new task. While I’m working on this new task of such grandiose importance, I am directed to move the fax line over because the boss figured that it would be a good day to rearrange our entire office two hours before our “customer” is slated to arrive. As I go to make the change, the following dialogue transpires:
Boss: Wyatt, go move the fax line.
Wyatt: [goes to move fax line]
Boss: You don’t have to make that change now.
Wyatt: When would you like me to move it?
Boss: You don’t have to do it now, just soon.
Wyatt: [takes the five seconds to moves the fax line and does it]
After returning to my desk to work on my non-security-engineer related tasks for the day, it’s not more than five minutes before my boss has decided that he wants a printer, which has not been used since we expanded our office in 2003, to be network enabled using a NetGear PS111W that Roger the Retard could not figure out back in 2003. Do take a moment to notice the missing ‘o’ in the model’s first letters. Being the only engineer and apparently the only one that can read installation manuals, I am removed from my current top priority task and assigned to resolve this “issue.” Ten minutes and a factory reset later, we now have a fourth printer in the office that we can use to print ink jet pictures on 11×9 pieces of paper instead of our currently functioning color laser jet. I’m sure you could imagine that I am just the poster-child for tranquility and calm by the time this is over.
Returning back to my Cisco VMS issues that are almost completely unrelated to this story, I continue on with my efforts since there is only thirty minutes before the customer is scheduled to arrive. If you don’t have Outlook 2003, you wouldn’t know about the nifty little pop-ups that it sends when you receive a new email or update to a meeting like the one I got that said we would be pushing back the client’s visit to Friday. Moments after receiving this annoying and equally frustrating update, I’m approached by the boss:
Boss: So how is the SharePoint restore coming?
Wyatt: Well, I’ve been working on the presentation all day.
Boss: When do you think you’ll have that done? Later today?
At this point, I’m fairly certain that gravity in my personal area actually increased to 81 m/s/s because I was unable to stand up and smite him where he stood.