Alright, reader interaction time!
Imagine the FBI is coming to interview you about me and ask you what kind of person I am to determine if I should receive security clearances or not. What story would you tell them about me? Feel free to fictionize where needed. (If I get the job where I need this, I’m sure I’ll regret doing this later 
)
Katy says:
it all started on a cold dark night when he offered me sex to do his comp org project…
7 December 2005, 4:01 pmJoe says:
it all started on a cold dark night when he offered me sex to do his comp org project….
7 December 2005, 4:24 pmJoe says:
All right, since I copied the last one:
Wyatt? Oh yeah, I know him – he had a side business at one time….hmmm….what was the name of that? Oh yes, he was the “Wyatt” in the law-firm on “Hakhim, Hakhim, Abdul, and Wyatt.” I think they did something with airplanes….
7 December 2005, 4:26 pmSteve says:
Wyatt? Why do you ask about him, we didn’t done anything, SHIT I said we, Sorry Wyatt were all going to burn for that time we did that thing, I CONFESS. Oh, this isn’t about a criminal offence? Wyatt he is a great and honest guy. He deserves double secret tip top clearance.
7 December 2005, 5:10 pmJim says:
Two words: Drug Pusher. Don’t give him an inch.
7 December 2005, 6:20 pmDean says:
Wyatt’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Wyatt recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Wyatt lives by only one rule: No Stupid People
Wyatt once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Wyatt can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.
Wyatt Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Wyatt ate 12 stupid people in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
Wyatt does not sleep. He waits.
Wyatt once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
If you rearrange the letters in Wyatt Neal it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”
Wyatt’s hair is too afraid of him to grow.
Wyatt is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Wyatt can divide by zero.
Wyatt is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.
When Wyatt runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
7 December 2005, 11:36 pmRick says:
Well, there was that one time when….. wait, I probably should talk about.
And that other time when….. yeah, that’s not a good example either.
You do know that his OZ account got suspended for hacking, right? Crap, can you forget that?
Ah, I know, there was this one time when someone cut him off in traffic and he….. I’m really not good at this apparently.
He likes puppies. And women. Yeah, he likes those women. Stares at them. Follows them home. He never did say what else he did to them before….. Damn it! Goodbye.
8 December 2005, 2:51 amMike says:
I imagine Wyatt’s a lot like me – frustrated with technology in general, zero tolerance for stupidity (which means zero tolerance for management, paperwork, vendors, marketing, bad websites, Java programmers, people that use Frontpage, people that use Powerpoint, people who don’t know C, people who don’t know Perl, etc), has a huge ego that needs constant feeding, and will never, ever, EVER wear a tie ever again if he can help it.
That alone is either reason enough to hire him on the spot or to send him walking. Depends on whether you want brilliant IT help or just another Windows-rebooter.
8 December 2005, 11:32 amThe Phantom Tire Buyer says:
Wyatt is a very dangerous enemy and a very strategic ally. You know that bombing between the Shiites and the Kurds in Iraq last week? Wyatt, or (“The Godfather” as they call them over there) removed his support of that particular family because they disgraced him by snubbing him on the yearly Ramadan card. Oh, and there’s New Orleans. He’s even got the ocean all tied in in his monopoly. Don’t let him fool you into thinking he hates running cable. You ever see Ocean’s Eleven? He’s got more monitoring devices in more nooks and crannies than the CIA or FBI will ever even approach from a distance, combined. He’s got an inner Mafia watching his outer Mafia, he has three dummy Santas going out this Christmas because he’s given the real Santa his protection, and the real reason that Walmart is able to fund its new supercenter dynasty is because he gave Sam his blessing before he died. Woodland creatures bow before him with acorn gifts, small shrubs beg for mercy, and wise old men know when and where to tread. You want to know the reay Wyatt? You have to see him first. The REAL Wyatt, I mean. He’s got dozens of clones running around. Did you know he financed, approved and then exposed Saddam’s foxhole hideout where he was captured? There’s some scary stuff associated with this guy, and I can’t even talk about it any more because he’s only granted me so many words with which I am permitted to tell this snippet of the truth. Just hope that when he buys you, he’ll be kind.
20 December 2005, 1:09 amEdward Nigma says:
Wyatt always has sex on the first date. Always.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Wyatt smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Wyatt is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Wyatt does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Wyatt goes killing.
The chief export of Wyatt is pain.
If you can see Wyatt, he can see you. If you can’t see Wyatt you may be only seconds away from death.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Wyatt can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Wyatt built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Wyatt met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Wyatt sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Wyatt roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Wyatt.
A blind man once stepped on Wyatt’s shoe. Wyatt replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Wyatt!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Wyatt.
Wyatt once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Wyatt sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Wyatt has not had to pay taxes ever.
Wyatt counted to infinity – twice.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs Wyatt and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Someone once tried to tell Wyatt that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
As a teen Wyatt impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Wyatt is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Wyatt’s fist.
If Wyatt is is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Wyatt doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Wyatt’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF WYATT!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Wyatt!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Wyatt is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Wyatt
Wyatt sleeps with a night light. Not because Wyatt is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Wyatt
At birth, Wyatt came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Wyatt but Wyatt
If you ask Wyatt what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Wyatt is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.
Wyatt lost his virginity before his dad did.
22 December 2005, 5:34 pmAndy Zilch says:
Yeah, at first I thought he was a rap star, but he’s so white so I knew that wasn’t possible. Then I thought it was his side business fixing people’s computers, but he gets paid in sex for that. So really I don’t know where the money comes from … he does speak farsi though.
22 December 2005, 11:09 pmEric Donaldson says:
On the seventh day, God did not rest. God created Wyatt, and Wyatt knocked him the fuck out. Writers of the Bible mistakenly took the unconsciousness for a nap.
Wyatt hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs to win the World Series, drew a royal flush in the World Poker Tournament, pulled 8 beautiful women off of railroad tracks in the nick of time, hunted down Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, coached the 72 Dolphins and the 85 Bears, and assassinated Kim Jong Il and Jacque Chirac all before his 10th birthday.
The Virgin Mary was not really a virgin, Wyatt got to her before Joseph could. Wyatt is the father of Jesus, and we can all agree that Jesus never became better than his father.
Wyatt has been to Mars, but he didn’t need a spaceship like those NASA pussies.
Dr. Emmett Brown might have invented time travel, but Wyatt invented time.
Wyatt kicked Superman’s ass using only his left thumb, because Superman mentioned that he had some cable that needed to be ran. Superman thanked Wyatt for not also using his right thumb.
Wyatt shot Tupac Shakur as a warning to rappers everywhere.
Jason Lee learned everything he knew from his father, Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee learned everything he knew from Wyatt.
Wyatt once substituted for George Harrison at Shea Stadium in 1967. People left the concert wondering why George looked so buff.
Nostradamus talked to Wyatt about when the world would end. Wyatt responded “When I feel like ending it.”
Wyatt neutered Scooby Doo.
Wyatt bitch-slapped Mike Tyson for biting that one guy’s ear.
Who would win in a football game? Wyatt or Ditka? Wyatt would win infinity to negative infinity.
2 January 2006, 4:06 pmMarilynn says:
Well this is my favorite one so I am going to post a reply to help the cause. If the FBI does visit me, am I suppose to relay this information to them? I am not sure how creditable I would be afterwards. Oh well, we’ll just have to see if they have a sense of humor.
5 May 2006, 10:40 amDmcY2k says:
I searched for “people” on google and this was the 8th site. Weird?!
30 March 2010, 7:01 am