Ah, once again, Scott Adams saves what I could chalk up to another horrible day at work. Today, Scott’s post is about his bad thoughts that he’s had. Having worked at a place that I absolutely hate for 3 weeks, I can easily relate. So I present to you, my devilishly tasty evil thoughts of the week.
1. Phone Numbers & Sticky Notes
Recently, a friend of mine got into a tiff with his female companion. Short story long, he got slipped a phone number slipped into his coat without his knowledge and his girlfriend found it and made a slight fuss over the matter and the fact that he shouldn’t have been encouraging another girl to continue flirting with him by speaking with her; this whole time my friend claiming his innocence and all that fun jazz that everyone knows girls care nothing about. Follow? Ok, so my idea is to find a bunch of girls and get them to write down some phone number with a smiley face or a heart, hit them with a blast of “Ode to rockin’ the pony,” and slip them in his jacket when he’s not looking. It’s not that I really want to be evil/mean to him, but that he just presents himself as a really good target this time around.
I was browsing the internet when I found these. The website pretty much says it all (until the link goes down so I’ll digress “ab ovo usque ad mala”). If you’ve ever seen a WB cartoon from back in the day, (this guy is so wrong) you’ve more than likely seen the exploding cigar. Well, these cigarette loads allow you to be your own animated character for bargain price. I can almost imagine how entertaining it would be to stick about 12 of these buggers in one cigarette and watch the persons hair singe as the cigarette erupted into a magnificent snow storm of tobacco and carcinogens falling lightly too the table. I can even imagine how much more fun this would be if the person were going to the airport….
3. Hand Sanitizer
So as always, I’m generally scraping the bottom of the barrel for the third thing, but technically I count the cigarette loads as two because one is at home and the other as the airport. Basically, I feel no shame for the cop-out on this one. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anyone use the hand sanitizer stuff, but we had some of it in the office and being as my job is horrible and I had nothing to do, my engineering curiosity got the best of me. I’ve noticed that it has just a slightly thicker consistency than the KY warming liquid you see the girl rub on her fingers in the commercial. Go find the commercial here and watch it if you don’t believe me. So enter the idea, find some jerks hand sanitizer and replace it with KY warming gel. Notice I said gel and not liquid, you don’t want it running out all over the place. But the instant it hits their hands, they will know something is up … so will anyone who shakes hands with them the rest of the day. Now that, my friends, is making sure the evil is evenly distributed.
4. Poof! I had another.
Well, I just happen to have one more that I thought of in a parking lot (don’t good ideas always come to you in strange places?). Apparently, you can rent these ‘flash boxes’ used in photography studios. You can also swing by any Walmart and get a power inverter for your car. Aim it out the rear or back passenger window of your car and attach the remote trigger near your horn. Wait for a dark night. I can just hear the conversation with the officer later at night:
Victim: Everthing was going fine, I was on my cell phone and then there was just this bright flash from no where and I drove into the wall.
Cop: Yeah, sure buddy, a flash from no where. And where did you say the aliens left Jimmy Hoffa’s body?
That’s all I’ve got. I’m not responsible for any of this if you try it and all that other fun stuff.